People corresponding to this model tend to have a bad image of themselves. Even if they are successful in life and may feel superior to others, there is always a sense of lack. A feeling of being a member of the "true aristocracy", but with deep feelings of shame and fear of being somehow deeply flawed.
Enneatype 4 people tend to build their identities around the idea that they are quite different or unique people. They tend to see their difference from others as a gift and a curse at the same time. A gift, because it differentiates them "from the bunch" and a curse because it often takes them away from enjoying happiness in a simple way.
Those who belong to enneatype 4 are emotionally complex and highly sensitive. They yearn to be understood and appreciated for their true selves, but they feel easily misunderstood and underappreciated. They tend to have a little bad mood. They spend much of their life immersed in their inner mental landscapes, where they feel free to cultivate and analyze their feelings. To manifest this internal world, Enneatype 4 tends to have an interest in the arts and some become real artists. Whether artistic or not, however, most of those who fall into this group are aesthetically sensitive and preoccupied with self-expression. and self-disclosure, whether in the clothes they wear, or in the general nature of their lifestyle.
They are a little melancholy and tend to get depressed. When they are unbalanced, they easily give way to a complacency which they perceive as something fully justified to compensate for the general lack of of pleasure they experience in their life. Instead of looking for practical solutions to their difficulties, they are prone to fantasize about a savior who will save them from their unhappiness.
They want to express their uniqueness, to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings. They are not satisfied with their image. They want to attract a "savior".
She knows how to attract others for her sensitivity and orientation to beauty, and tries to give everything an artistic and original touch. He seeks intense experiences and is very in touch with his inner world. Experience the feelings in a very intense way and has the ease of contacting the feelings of others.
The ability to do what they have to do regardless of their moods ( Enneatype 1 )
"Nobody understands the depth of my feelings" "I am special and different" "Nobody understands my genius"
Idealize what he does not have and others do, underestimate what he has and others do not
When envious enneatype 4 tends towards enneatype 2 he suddenly becomes too involved in what he does.
The envy of these people is based on the feeling that something essential is missing: they tend to feel that they have personal emotional deficiencies and therefore tend to believe that others have qualities that they lack. ("the flowers of the other gardens are greener than theirs").
The term "melancholy" can be understood as the rationalization of suffering that comes from a negative self-image. There is an unconscious tendency to obtain love through suffering.
They have a habit of having a poor image of themselves, which they try to compensate for by feeling different and special.
Although they may have a bad image of themselves, to compensate for it their attitude towards the outside world is that of a "prima donna" or at least that of a very special person. When this request to be special is frustrated, a victim role and a "misunderstood genius" may appear.
The desire to be oneself degenerates into complacency.
They are afraid of giving a normal image that can confirm their bad self-image. They are also afraid of ruining their lives and wasting their opportunities.
Strong need to offer an image that they consider worthy.
They victimize themselves and instill a sense of pain in the other by forcing them to "walk with lead feet".
Ennatypes 4, fearing that they have no identity or personal importance, treat others with contempt, as if they were "nobody" and were worth nothing.
These people tend to berate themselves and blame themselves for what they fail to do
Enneatype 4 conservation: it is not making an effort, dissolving the need, leaving oneself in peace, loving oneself more and being more natural. Don't complain to seduce. Accept pain and joy, cultivate tenderness, be content with what yes you have.
Social Enneatype 4: Do not dramatize to attract attention, free the role of victim to attract love. Learn to value yourself and be like others. Stop blaming yourself. Connect with your body and needs, dare to be.
Enneatype 4 sexual: ask for less. Stop competing, don't complain or fight. Learn to value and be happy with what you have. Cultivate love for oneself and for the other. Stop the controversy and the drama.
The neurotic introspection of Enneatype 4 can generate strong negative feelings and emotions about themselves in these people. If your personality pattern matches this enneatype, you need to be aware of this trend to devalue you emotionally. Don't justify these negative emotions, they are false! Do not look for arguments that explain these feelings because you will find them, but they are not true, they are a hypothesis that tries to "adapt" events from the past to present feelings. Always keep in mind that you have a tendency to interpret events from a somewhat negative perspective. But just because you hear it doesn't mean it's the truth!
People of this personality pattern are used to having great sensitivity, but emotional fickleness and rapid mood swings don't match that sensitivity. The quick reactions to the small actions of the others or the environment tend to prevent experiences from being lived in a more complete and profound way. Sometimes, paradoxically, these rapid emotional reactions indicate a fear of exploring the deepest feelings and true.
As for your alleged weaknesses, seek feedback from your closest friends and trust their opinion. If they're being honest with you, you have to believe them, don't think they're saying something positive just to cheer you up moral.
Be aware that your thirst for attention and affection may never end. You can ask for attention and affection from your loved ones or closest friends, but don't overdo it. You will tend to feel that you don't have enough of this attention and affection, and then it is possible that the reactions will require more. If you do not become aware of this neurotic attitude of asking in a subtle but constant way, you can oppress the people closest to you and make them turn away. Alone because your loved ones love you doesn't mean they have to / can handle your emotional ups and downs or that your problems are more serious than theirs.
CONSERVATION: of the three subtypes these are the strongest, the least emotional, the most intellectual, the most introverted and the least complaining.
Their main distinguishing feature is their great effort, discipline and perseverance (they may resemble enneatype 1 in this sense). For this TENACIA is a terine that suits him. They are people who ask a lot to themselves, more than to others. They impose a system of needs that are difficult to satisfy. Nothing is enough, they always have to keep trying a little harder. They tend to suffer in silence.
They focus their envy and hypersensitivity in their immediate environment. They find security and tranquility in beauty and aesthetics. They try to calm their emotional states by surrounding themselves and allowing themselves to be satisfied, beautiful objects, their favorite meals, sex, or any other object / activity that can serve to "compensate" for their sense of internal suffering (with a certain tendency towards luxury and exclusivity).
For example, after a stressful situation, they may react by going to have a massage, a spa or a quality wine. Small rewards are given to "compensate" for their ailing state of mind.
Emotionally they are very sensitive to the small details of their environment. For example the light in the room, the temperature, the smell, the fabric of the sofa, the music, etc. For them all this has a symbolic meaning and can cause an emotional response. They can intensely connect a sensation to an object. They may feel that losing a donated item is like losing the friend who gave them that gift. They can keep objects for many years apparently obsolete. They can be very temperamental to buy things, for example wanting to buy the bag they saw in a small Parisian shop during the summer. They can also be difficult to please with a gift (because it's not exactly what they imagined).
Their envy is the result of a negative self-image. They have a bad concept of themselves, their characteristics and everything they have. For this reason they consider others to be better than them. His envy it does not respond to the gluttony of wanting to have more and better, but responds to a feeling of not being able to be satisfied with its alleged shortcomings; they may believe they are unacceptable to others. For this they try so hard to to be "special", to show that they know how to appreciate a good wine or to select the most beautiful dress.
They don't want to sound vulgar. Usually they take care of their image: clothes, hairstyles, etc. Because of their interest in the image and their need, they can suffer from eating disorders.
People of this subtype are very emotionally intense. They can create intense situations unconsciously, but often they desire and seek it. Sometimes, to find this intensity, they can take unnecessary risks (similar to sexual type 6 ennea). They can look for challenges that make them feel alive and even take risks as a form of aggression to the other: "If something happens to me it will be his fault and he will feel responsible."
Due to their emotional intensity and their unconventional mood, they can react aggressively and with little awareness.
Due to their low self-esteem and low mood, some people of this personality pattern may be convinced that they cannot, or that their disorders prevent them from having a "normal job".
When they are more balanced they can focus, work hard and be decisive at work, on a cause they firmly believe in, or on their goals. They are good at managing their money and their assets. They can have one great aesthetic sensitivity and express it artistically. They are good at looking from a different perspective than the conventional one.
When they are less centered they may take excessive risks to emotionally cover the emotional emptiness they feel they have or to attract the attention of their closest ones. They may try too hard to give an image for seem "special". They are very sensitive to minor inconveniences or criticisms from others. Sometimes they believe that no one understands their suffering. They can be indulgent with bad habits to compensate for their emotional state (food, drink, sex, luxury, etc.).
ENNEATYPE 4 SOCIAL: they have an idealized image of themselves in negative. They feel that they are somehow flawed and that others will never love them or value them. They feel inferior and trapped in a situation that has no solution; "I will always be inferior to others". They can be very self-critical and ashamed to consider that they deviate from what they believe are the standards of the group.
They are used to being very sensitive to criticism. They are ashamed of being as they are, which is why the characteristic of SHAME is associated with this subtype. It is as if they have unconsciously registered the feeling of "I am defective and the group knows it. "They remain with the suffering, they contemplate no improvement. They are romantic. After the individuals of Enneatype 9, they are the most masochistic.
Of the three subtypes of enneatype 4, the social subtype is the most emotional and the one that most externally shows its spiritual state. They have a tendency to want to induce pity with the aim of manipulation. They make themselves wanted but not they are sincere. They try to get what they want from others out of pity. This is why they immerse themselves in a vicious circle where they show that they feel bad in order to pity others so that they can get what they want from them.
As social subtypes, they focus their envy and hypersensitivity in the social sector. They wish to belong to a glamorous social group but feel unable. They believe they will hardly be accepted as well I am. They tend to feel closer to those who seem to be excluded.
People of the social subtype are the most extroverted of enneatype 4. They can hide the extent of their feelings of social inadequacy and be funny. They love to show their style and sense of aesthetics. They tend to work hard to create an image through which they relate. This public image they try to offer is more upbeat and happy with how they really feel. Unlike Enneatype 3 , they have the awareness of representing a character.
Sometimes they may fantasize about being rejected without anyone having spoken yet and showing a hostile attitude as a preventive defense. They may have a hard time keeping a job due to their tendency to feel excluded and to build a relationship of solitude between their colleagues (it is in their interest to have a small social network to support them).
When they are more centered, with their great intuition and sensitivity they can develop excellent social skills. They are generous and care about the well-being of the group they are part of and the people close to them. They can have enough self-esteem to interact with the group, but without getting carried away by it.
When they are less balanced they suffer between the desire to fit in and be accepted, but to be special and unique. They may want to reinforce your image with an extreme look. They stop doing things for fear of being humiliated or rejected; they can isolate themselves or become antisocial. They are hypersensitive to criticism.
SEXUAL: they are probably among the most intense characters (they can be confused with the enneatype 8). Their intensity is a gift and a curse. The word HATE is associated with them because they are people who tend to project energetically blame their discomfort towards the outside.
They focus their envy and hypersensitivity in their intimate relationships. They have a great ability, sensitivity and desire to cultivate deep intimacy. They invest a lot of energy in the person they want. Great damage importance to the loving part of their life and they believe that when they find perfect love they will be happy. They may have a crush on someone they've seen a couple of times. They can also be attracted to people who they possess qualities and talents that they believe they lack, with the (unconscious) intention of becoming more complete (this rarely works).
They are romantics, they are attracted to what they cannot have, they are looking for someone special or someone to "save" them from this world where they are not seen or understood. They may think that life is meaningless without the person they love. They tend to have high expectations of people close to them. They go through great sentimental changes and feelings towards their loved ones; they can go from idolizing to hating. They are very polar, rapidly rising and descent. They idealize the couple, but they destroy it for small things. When they stop idealizing the person they are with, then they begin to find "flaws" in them, used as a pretext to get angry with them. When the person is absent they may be eager to get back to her, but when they do they may get angry at her for "whatever reason". They tend to have love-hate relationships. They are used to being aware of their emotional states, even negative ones, which they can sometimes express in a self-destructive way. They can be jealous of their partner, even their past relationships.
They are very competitive. Competitiveness is based on the "jealous" confrontation they make with their close friends. They are competitive in personal relationships and tend to be a bit 'in everything, also being able to emphasize their competitiveness on a professional level. They are very strong and action-oriented people. It could be said that their competitiveness is not so much focused on "I will win", but on "I will make you lose". They may not be able to enjoy their successes without degrading the successes of others.
They can be sensual and warm, but they can also be unpleasant. On the inside they feel they are worthless and on the outside they despise the other, even going so far as to ask him to go to hell to show him their love. And if the other not fs, they interpret this is because they don't love them enough. Suffering is important to them. A person who does not suffer is a person who is not worthwhile. For them there is always guilt, this is their reason for living. They can be unbearable, when they become unbearable and the other separates from them, then they confirm their fears: "See! You don't really love me."
Their self-esteem is not based on themselves, but is nurtured by the love of their partner and close friends.
When the sexual enneatype 4 is more balanced, he is able to admire and deeply love his partner, accepting his own uniqueness. They can engage deeply with people, in an authentic and passionate way. They are able to be extremely open-hearted, compassionate and loving towards all. They can develop excellent communication skills and interpersonal relationships.
When people of this subtype are less centered they may desire an impossible or unavailable couple, and believe that this is the only way to have love. They idealize their partner and put away very high expectations in these, which will not come true and will arouse anger.
The typical relationship with a partner is one of love-hate. They can be seductive, sexual, jealous and possessive. They can be overly competitive, especially on romantic themes.
People of enneatype 4 are characterized by a sense of lack and a bad image of themselves. When a person does not love himself, it is difficult for him to have a good relationship with others. These people tend to underestimate themselves and to believe they are rejected. For this reason, with this firmly rooted belief in rejection, they can modify their behavior in order to achieve genuine rejection. And if they feel loved ones, they come to ask themselves, "Why does he love me if I am horrible?" So they can devalue the other.
In the field of love they are passionate, but it is a romantic and melancholy love from which they connect to suffering. This passion can become addiction and insatiability. Being so passionate about love has consequences for them negative, because they may tend to demand more urgently than the other can give them, and this tends to produce negative consequences.
It is also characteristic of this enneatype to ask in order to "make pity", showing suffering, their role as victim or their illnesses. It is an "emotional blackmail" that can also appear in family relationships.
These people tend to demand a lot of themselves, suffer a lot and have no mercy on themselves.
Admire its aesthetic ability
He doesn't like rigid goals. Bonuses and rewards for doing something leave him indifferent. Let me explain things in his own way. Enneatype 4 likes to feel special and that their uniqueness is appreciated.
It can be stimulated by showing him the particularity of his contribution. Don't belittle his feelings. Don't ask him to be positive or to "smile" because he will lock himself in even more.
Accept that he is a mysterious person, that he is intense. Tell him what you see creative in his suggestions. Because they tend to feel abandoned, make your promises clear to them and keep them.